* There are Worse Things

This one made me laugh....
A Mother passing by her son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up.

Then she saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to 'Mom' With the worst premonition she opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter.

Dear Mom:

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Dad and you. I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice. But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercings, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am. But it's not only the passion...Mom she's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. Well be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy. In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better. She deserves it. Don't worry Mom. I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your grandchildren.

Love,Your Son

Paul

P.S. Mom, none of the above is true. I'm over at Dustin's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report card that's in my center desk drawer.I love you.Call me when it's safe to come home.

* Show and Tell: The 'Middle Wife'

Sent to me by my Sister Deanne

The 'Middle Wife' by an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher

I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself,but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second grade classroom a few years back.

When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessionswith my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never,ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcome.

Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater. She holds up a snapshot of an infant. 'This is Luke, my baby brother,and I'm going to tell you about his birthday' 'First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord.' She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.

'Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh, Oh,Oh, Oh!' Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. 'She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!' (Now this kid is doinga hysterical duck walk and groaning.)

'My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Dom ino's man.

They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this.' (Then Erica lies down with her back against thewall.)

'And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in casehe got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, likepsshhheew!' (This kid has her legs spread with her little hands mimingwater flowing away. It was too much!)

'Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe.They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of asudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from Mom's play-center, (placenta) so there must be alot of toys inside there.'

Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I'm sure I applauded the loudest.

Ever since then, when it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another 'MiddleWife' comes along.

* Froggy...

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack. 'Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday.' Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager. Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral. The frog says, 'Sure. I have this,' and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office. She finds the manager and says, 'There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral.'
She holds up the tiny pink elephant. 'I mean, what in the world is this?' (folks, your gonna luv this) The bank manager looks back at her and says... 'It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan, His old man's a Rolling Stone.'
(You're singing it, aren't you? Yeah, I know you are........)

* The Mouths of Babes

Make a Smilebox slideshow

* Today's Thoughts

If you want your dreams to come true, you mustn't oversleep.

The best vitamin for making friends..... B1.

The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts.

A sharp tongue can cut your own throat.

You lie the loudest when you lie to yourself.

If you lack the courage to start, you have already finished.

One thing you can't recycle is wasted time.

Ideas won't work unless ' You' do.

Of all the things you wear, your expression is the most important.

The pursuit of happiness is the chase of a lifetime! It is never too late to become what you might have been.

The heaviest thing you can carry is a grudge.

One thing you can give and still keep...is your word.

And... my FAVORITE one... The 10 commandments are not a multiple choice.

Life is too short to wake up with regrets....

So love the people who treat you right.

Forget about the ones who don't.

Believe everything happens for a reason.

If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands.

If it changes your life, let it.

Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it .

Friends are like balloons; once you let them go, you might not get them back.

Sometimes we get so busy with our own lives and problems that we may not even notice that we've let them fly away.

Sometimes we are so caught up in who's right and who's wrong that we forget what's right and wrong.

Sometimes we just don't realize what real friendship means until it is too late. I don't want to let that happen so I'm gonna tie you to my heart so I never lose you.

* Vicks for Coughs

VICKS VAPO RUB INTERESTING

During a lecture on Essential Oils, they told us how the foot soles can absorb oils. Their example: Put garlic on your feet and within 20 minutes you can 'taste' it. Some of us have used Vicks Vapo rub for years for everything from chapped lips to sore toes and many body parts in between. But I've never heard of this. And don't laugh, it works 100% of the time, although the scientists who discovered it aren't sure why. To stop night time coughing in a child (or adult as we found out personally), put Vicks Vapo rub generously on the bottom of the feet at bedtime, then cover with socks. Even persistent, heavy, deep coughing will stop in about 5 minutes and stay stopped for many, many hours of relief. Works 100% of the time and is more effective in children than even very strong prescription cough medicines. In addition it is extremely soothing and comforting and they will sleep soundly. Just happened to tune in A.M. Radio and picked up this guy talking about why cough medicines in kids often do more harm than good, due to the chemical makeup of these strong drugs so, I listened. It was a surprise finding and found to be more effective than prescribed medicines for children at bedtime, in addition to have a soothing and calming effect on sick children who then went on to sleep soundly. My wife tried it on herself when she had a very deep constant and persistent cough a few weeks ago and it worked 100%! She said that it felt like a warm blanket had enveloped her, coughing stopped in a few minutes and believe me, this was a deep, ( incredibly annoying!) every few seconds uncontrollable cough, and she slept cough-free for hours every night that she used it. If you have grandchildren, pass this on. If you end up sick, try it yourself and you will be absolutely amazed at how it works.

* Box of Crayons

........ Box of Crayons...........

While walking in a toy store the day before today, I overheard a Crayon Box with many things to say. "I con't like RED" said YELLOW. And GREEN said, "Nor do I! And no one here likes ORANGE, but no one knows quite why." We are a box of crayons that really doesn't get along, "Said BLUE to all the others.

Something here is wrong!

Well, I bought that box of crayons and took it home with me. And laid out all the crayons so the crayons could all see. They watched me as I colored with RED and BLUE and GREEN and BLACK and WHITE and ORANGE.

And every color in between. They watched as GREEN became the grass and BLUE became the sky. The YELLOW sun was shining bright on WHITE clouds drifting by. Colors changing as they touched, becoming something new. They watched me as I colored. They watched til I was through. And when I'd finally finished, I began to walk away. And as I did the Crayon Box had something more to say....

"I do like RED!" said the YELLOW. And GREEN said, "So do I!" And BLUE you are terrific! So high up in the sky."

"We are a Box of Crayons... each of us unique, but when we get together.... THE PICTURE IS COMPLETE.