* Budget Cuts

Make a Smilebox slideshow

EFFECTIVE AUGUST 1, 2008

NEW OFFICE POLICY

Sick Days:

We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proofof sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.Personal Days: Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.

Bereavement Leave:

This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends,relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attendthe funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases where employee involvement isnecessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Bathroom Breaks:

Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in thestalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, and the toilet paper roll will retract.

Dress Code:

1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.

2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financiallyand therefore do not need a raise.

3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, andtherefore you do not need a raise.

4) If you dress just right, you are right where you needt o be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Lunch Break:

* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they needto eat more, so that they can look healthy.

* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get abalanced meal to maintain their average figure.

* Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that'sall the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience.Therefore,all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations,allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternationand input should be directed elsewhere.

The Management

Pass this on to all who are employed.