Sunday, May 31, 2009

Not Busy

I read this on the internet today. I can use these ideas, maybe you can too. Have a "Not Busy" day!

You keep a to-do list, but you can't get through it by the end of the day, and you're frustrated because you feel like you haven't been able to get enough done.

You find that things take longer than you thought they would.

And when people ask how you are, "Fine" has been replaced by "Too busy."

Welcome to the "too busy" club.

In this technology-driven world, we can do more, so we do -- and we love it. We feel effective and powerful as we check items off our lists and use our cell phones, BlackBerrys, and computers, sometimes all at once.

We're multitasking, doing as much as we can in the least amount of time.
We're active, creative, and engaged!
In demand!
Being too busy makes us feel as though we're making an impact.

On the other hand, feeling too busy drives us crazy.

Falling ever further behind as the to-do list relentlessly grows (each item generating many more items almost as fast as we can think of them) is nerve-racking and stressful.

We begin to feel like prisoners of the list, prisoners of our lives and our desires, prisoners of time.

There just aren't enough hours in the day.
It's as if we're doing battle with time -- and losing.
But the point is not how many things we have done or will do in a given amount of time; the point is how we do what we do. If we're rushed and frantic, we're too busy. If we move through our tasks with equanimity, patient and composed, we're not.

In the Zen Buddhist tradition , there's a story that illustrates this point: A monk is sweeping the temple grounds. Another monk comes by and says, "Too busy!" The first monk replies, "You should know there is one who is not too busy."

Our sweeping monk may have been moving quickly, and so he looked "too busy" to his brother monk. But inside -- in his mind -- he wasn't busy. In the midst of his vigorous activity, he was in touch with "the one who is not busy."

Most of us judge how busy we are by how much we have to do. When there are too many things to do, we think we're busy, and when there isn't much to do, it feels like we're not busy at all. But in fact, we can feel busy when there isn't that much to do, and we can feel relaxed even when there's a lot going on.

The states of "busy" and "not busy" aren't defined by how many things there are to do. Contrary to popular opinion, there is no such thing as multitasking; the brain can tend to only one thing at a time.

Being too busy or not being busy is an interpretation of our activity. Busy-ness is a state of mind, not a fact. No matter how much or how little we're doing, we're always just doing what we're doing, simply living this one moment of our lives.

That moment may seem long or short. Time is an internal, not external, reality. Have you noticed that half an hour in the dentist's chair lasts longer than half an hour at a fun dinner party with friends? And five minutes waiting on hold on the phone passes more slowly than five minutes watching a movie.

Time is how we live it, not what's measured by the clock (after all, the watch was invented fairly recently, in the 16th century). To be sure, our world operates on clock time, which is convenient and necessary; how else would we make it to that dentist's appointment or dinner party? But the clock is supposed to be working for us, not the other way around. If we feel too busy, we've mistaken a feeling for an objective reality and are held captive to that reality. It needn't be that way.

Okay, you say, good theory: We think we're busy, but we're not -- we're just doing one thing after another. But the habit of being convinced we're too busy is hard to shake. What can we do about this persistent mania of feeling task- and time-driven?

Understanding something differently is only a beginning. To change the way we live, we have to practice what we've come to understand until it becomes a natural part of us, a habit of thought, feeling, and body.

There are many simple techniques that can help us with this. Take three conscious breaths (try it now, as you're reading). This will change your mind. Whatever you're feeling will become less compulsive, less driven. There's a measure of detachment and equanimity even after the first breath. You become more present to your surroundings, to the basic awareness of being alive. Try it the next time you're feeling overwhelmed; it doesn't take much time, and it will help you remember "the one who is not busy," the part of you that's always right there, even when it looks or feels like you're too busy.

Walking meditation -- intentionally bringing awareness to your body as you move -- can lift you out of a busy-ness-induced, semiconscious funk. If you can become conscious of the way you're moving and the sensation of each movement, you'll feel refreshed instead of rushed. I know what you're thinking: "I'm too busy to go for a walk." But this is something you can do on your way to and from the bathroom. (And if you're really feeling busy, you're probably overdue for a trip there anyway.)

Sometimes just a phrase can help: "Not busy." Remembering our two monks, you can say this softly to yourself when you feel overwhelmed. I do this when I feel crazed; with the repetition of the words, I immediately recognize that it is my feelings and my thoughts that make me feel pressured, not the tasks I have to do. They will get done -- or not, and the world and I will survive. Even if I do have a crucial deadline, I'll have a much better chance of making it if I feel "not busy" and can proceed with a calm mind. Feeling frantic doesn't make me more efficient. Quite the contrary, it makes mistakes and glitches more likely.

It goes without saying that if you've bitten off more than you can chew in a day, or in a lifetime, you'd better step back and change your circumstances, if at all possible. Let go of a few activities: Peace of mind is more important, and healthier, than those few extra accomplishments. But if you can't or don't want to change your circumstances, you need to find the most serene and beautiful way to live the life you have. In the end, if you persistently and unpleasantly feel too busy, remember this: It's not a fact; it's a choice.
There is one who is not busy.
That one is you.

Friday, May 29, 2009

* F A M I L Y

F A M I L Y

I ran into a stranger as he passed by, 'Oh excuse me please' was my reply. He said, 'Please excuse me too; I wasn't watching for you.'
We were very polite, this stranger and I.
We went on our way and we said goodbye..

But at home a different story is told, How we treat our loved ones, young and old.

Later that day, cooking the evening meal, My son stood beside me very still. When I turned, I nearly knocked him down. 'Move out of the way,' I said with a frown.

He walked away, his little heart broken.
I didn't realize how harshly I'd spoken.
While I lay awake in bed, God's still small voice came to me and said,
'While dealing with a stranger, common courtesy you use, but the family you love, you seem to abuse.
Go and look on the kitchen floor, You'll find some flowers there by the door.. Those are the flowers he brought for you.
He picked them himself: pink, yellow and blue. He stood very quietly not to spoil the surprise, you never saw the tears that filled his little eyes.' By this time, I felt very small, And now my tears began to fall. I quietly went and knelt by his bed; 'Wake up, little one, wake up,' I said. 'Are these the flowers you picked for me?'
He smiled, 'I found 'em, out by the tree. I picked 'em because they're pretty like you. I knew you'd like 'em, especially the blue.' I said, 'Son , I'm very sorry for the way I acted today; I shouldn't have yelled at you that way.'
He said, 'Oh, Mom, that's okay. I love you anyway.' I said, 'Son, I love you too, and I do like the flowers, especially the blue.'

FAMILY
Are you aware that if we died tomorrow, the company that we are working for could easily replace us in a matter of days. But the family we left behind will feel the loss for the rest of their lives. And come to think of it, we pour ourselves more into work than into our own family, an unwise investment indeed, don't you think?

So what is behind the story? Do you know what the word FAMILY means? FAMILY = (F)ATHER (A)ND (M)OTHER (I) (L)OVE (Y)OU

* BBQ Man

New Standard Operating Procedures released today please learn BBQ RULES We are about to enter the BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity . When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:
Routine....
(1) The woman buys the food.
(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert ..
(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, place s it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand.
(4) The woman remains outside the compulsory three meter exclusion zone where the exuberance of testosterone and other manly bonding activities can take place without the interference of the woman. Here comes the important part:
(5) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL. More routine...
(6) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.
(7) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is looking great. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he flips the meat Important again:
(8) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN. More routine...
(9) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table.
(10) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes. And most important of all: (11) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts..
(12) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed ' her night off ', and, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women.

* C H I L D R E N

Children are the anchors that hold a mother to life.
'Children are the keys to paradise.'
We must teach children to dream with their eyes open.

Children make a special kind of sense all their own.
Children are the living messages we send to a time we will not see.
Children are the hands by which we take hold of heaven.
Children are likely to live up to what you believe in them.
Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.
You can get children off your lap,but you can never get them out of your heart.


"Our children's children will hear a good story."


Dearer than our children are the children of our children.
Children are love made visible.
Children are life's little treasures.
Flowers have the sun, Children have their mothers
Children are living jewels dropped unsustained from Heaven.
Children are the marshmallows in the hot chocolate of life.
A mother holds her child's OR childrens' hands for a while, but holds their hearts forever.
Children know the joy of living, and are always ready to share it.
It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows.
To be in your children's memories tommorrow, you have to be in their lives today
Children are the SUNSHINE of life.


Children are always reaching. Walt Disney


Without Children What a boring and depressing world this would be without children! Just think, there would be no need for lollipops, cotton candy or licorice. Ponies would be out of work. amusement parks with carousels would be obsolete. Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny would have to retire. And nobody would care when a baby robin fell out of its nest. Infectious giggles would never be heard, and ¢peek-a-boo¢ would disappear from the English language. If there were no children, who would make grandparents smile, who would play pat-a cake, and who would try to whistle with crackers in his mouth? Balloons would never pop, mild would rarely spill, and sticky hands from chocolate bars would be a thing of the past. Without children there would be no use for toy trains, dolls that walk and talk, or Jack-in-the-Box. Barney the Purple Dinosaur would have no one to hug, and Kermit the Frog would just turn green and die. Caterpillars wouldn§t get stroked, and turtles would never get to sleep in the house. All in all, life would be a real drag. Let§s face it, children are the essence of life. They are joy and love personified. From "On Raising Children" Mary Hollingsworth


Maybe it's because they are still short and close to the ground or maybe their senses have not yet been dulled by the years but to children days seem longer, smells stronger, colors brighter, noises louder, fun more fun.
Children need love, especially when they don't deserve it.
"Where children are, there is the golden age."
Your children need your presence more than your presents.
While we try to teach our children about life, our children teach us what life is about.
Learn laughter from little children by thinking their thoughts, dreaming their dreams, and playing their games.


We are apt to forget that children watch examples better than they listen to preaching.


It's a good thing God made children in washable sizes.
Kiss your children Goodnight.... Even if they are all ready asleep.
If we don't stand up for children, then we don't stand for much.


To a mother children are like ideas; none are as wonderful as her own.


Each day of our lives we make deposits in the memory banks of our children. Children make your life important.
Children are not puppets. They are wonderfully complex, and that's what makes raising them so rewarding and so challenging.
Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them.
You will never understand children If you belittle their qualities
Nothing you do for Children...... is ever wasted.
Praise your Children and they will Blossom! ***


Our Children are living messages we send to a time and place we will not see!


Love your children with all your hearts, love them enough to discipline them before it is too late. . . Praise them for important things, even if you have to stretch them a bit. Praise them a lot. They live on it like bread and butter and they need it more than bread and butter.


In the eyes of children we find the joy of Christmas. In their hearts we find its meaning.


Children are not things to be molded, but are people to be unfolded.

* Failure


"Our task is to become our best selves. One of God's greatest gifts to us is the joy of trying again, for no failure ever need be final."

Thomas S. Monson

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Stop Cell Phone Calls

REMEMBER: Cell Phone Numbers Go Public this month.

REMINDER.... all cell phone numbers are being released to telemarketing companies and you will start to receive sales calls..... YOU WILL BE CHARGED FOR THESE CALLSTo prevent this, call the following number from your cell phone: 888-382-1222.It is the National DO NOT CALL list. I

t will only take a minute of your time. It blocks your number for five (5) years. You must call from the cell phone number want to have blocked. You cannot call from a different phone number.

Sunday, May 24, 2009

* How Did the Human Race Appear?


A little girl asked her mother: 'How did the human race appear?' The mother answered, 'God made Adam and Eve;they had children; and so was all mankind made.' Two days later the girl asked her father the same question. The father answered, 'Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.' The confused girl returned to her mother and said, 'Mum, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?'The mother answered, 'Well, Dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family, and your father told you about his.'

Summer Break


Sent to me by Debbie, 6th Grade Teacher. It's coming! It has been "one of those years." I'm anxious to spend time finding me again! Of course, I will be anxious to give all I have to those little people in my care, but I CAN'T WAIT FOR JUNE 5TH!
Sorry... didn't mean to shout!

* The One Flaw in a Woman

* Smuggler Blues

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Many prayers go out to our law inforcement for the battles they win on a daily basis.













































































Dance In the Rain


How to Dance in the Rain
It was a busy morning, about 8:30 , when an elderly gentleman in his 80's arrived at the hospital to have stitches removed from his thumb. He said he was in a hurry as he had an appointment at 9:00 am.
I took his vital signs and had him take a seat, knowing it would be over an hour before someone would to able to see him. I saw him looking at his watch and decided, since I was not busy with another patient, I would evaluate his wound. On exam, it was well healed, so I talked to one of the doctors, got the needed supplies to remove his sutures and redress his wou nd.


While taking care of his wound, I asked him if he had another doctor's appointment this morning, as he was in such a hurry. The gentleman told me no, that he needed to go to the nursing home to eat breakfast with his wife. I inquired as to her health.He told me that she had been there for a while and that she was a victim of Alzheimer's Disease.


As we talked, I asked if she would be upset if he was a bit late. He replied that she no longer knew who he was, that she had not recognized him in five years now. I was surprised, and asked him, 'And you still go every morning, even though she doesn't know who you are?' He smiled As he patted my hand and said, 'She doesn't know me, But I still know who she is.'


I had to hold back tears as he left, I had goose bumps on my arm, and thought,'That is the kind of love I want in my life.'


True love is neither Physical, nor romantic.

True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will not be.

* Bear vs. Cougar: Touching




This will give you a new perspective on the animal kingdom. Maybe I don't want to be a bear after all?


Thursday, May 14, 2009

* Gonna Be a Bear


Wednesday, May 13, 2009

In Case of Death


IN CASE OF DEATH:

A to-do list for those left behind


In the initial weeks after a family member dies -- long before you distribute assets or pay off creditors -- someone needs to tackle the following tasks. Most usually fall to the estate's executor.Get death certificates. Estimate how many you need and ask for twice as many, suggests Ann Perry, author of The WI$E Inheritor (Broadway Books, $12.95). You'll need certified copies to claim insurance proceeds and to transfer money out of bank, brokerage and mutual fund accounts, among other things. Twenty is not an unreasonable number, says Perry. You'll save yourself trouble by letting the funeral home get them for you.


Have the mail forwarded.

The bills and financial statements that come in the mail are often the most reliable way to find all the deceased person's assets and debts. The mail will also be your trigger to cancel newspaper and magazine subscriptions, cable-TV service and other recurring expenses, and to request refunds where appropriate.Hold the bills. Before you pay even the phone bill, the executor needs to determine if there are enough assets to cover all bills and expenses. If not, creditors have to line up -- with state law determining which have priority. (An exception: If a survivor continues to live in a home, you should continue to pay the mortgage and utility bills.)


Open a bank account.

You'll need a place to deposit interest and life-insurance proceeds, and from which to pay bills for the estate.


Apply for a taxpayer-ID number.

The IRS considers the deceased person and his or her estate to be separate taxpaying entities. So you'll need a separate tax-identification number to file tax returns for the estate, which will account for dividends, interest and capital gains on the deceased person's assets during the administration of the estate. (You can skip this if the income is less than $600.)


You'll also need to file final federal and state income-tax returns, accounting for your family member's earnings until the date of death. A federal estate-tax return is due if assets in the estate exceed $1 million in 2003 (that figure jumps to $1.5 million in 2004 and 2005).


Notify social security. If the person was receiving social security benefits, you'll have to return the check for the month he or she died, even if the death occurred at the end of the month.Buy a notebook. "Immediately start writing everything down," advises Florida attorney Mary Sue Donohue, such as who you talked to at the insurance company and the bank. "There's a lot to keep track of," she says.

CASE OF DEATH: A to-do list for those left behind
In the initial weeks after a family member dies -- long before you distribute assets or pay off creditors -- someone needs to tackle the following tasks. Most usually fall to the estate's executor.
Get death certificates. Estimate how many you need and ask for twice as many, suggests Ann Perry, author of The WI$E Inheritor (Broadway Books, $12.95). You'll need certified copies to claim insurance proceeds and to transfer money out of bank, brokerage and mutual fund accounts, among other things. Twenty is not an unreasonable number, says Perry. You'll save yourself trouble by letting the funeral home get them for you.
Have the mail forwarded. The bills and financial statements that come in the mail are often the most reliable way to find all the deceased person's assets and debts. The mail will also be your trigger to cancel newspaper and magazine subscriptions, cable-TV service and other recurring expenses, and to request refunds where appropriate.
Hold the bills. Before you pay even the phone bill, the executor needs to determine if there are enough assets to cover all bills and expenses. If not, creditors have to line up -- with state law determining which have priority. (An exception: If a survivor continues to live in a home, you should continue to pay the mortgage and utility bills.)
Open a bank account. You'll need a place to deposit interest and life-insurance proceeds, and from which to pay bills for the estate.
Apply for a taxpayer-ID number. The IRS considers the deceased person and his or her estate to be separate taxpaying entities. So you'll need a separate tax-identification number to file tax returns for the estate, which will account for dividends, interest and capital gains on the deceased person's assets during the administration of the estate. (You can skip this if the income is less than $600.) You'll also need to file final federal and state income-tax returns, accounting for your family member's earnings until the date of death. A federal estate-tax return is due if assets in the estate exceed $1 million in 2003 (that figure jumps to $1.5 million in 2004 and 2005).
Notify social security. If the person was receiving social security benefits, you'll have to return the check for the month he or she died, even if the death occurred at the end of the month.
Buy a notebook. "Immediately start writing everything down," advises Florida attorney Mary Sue Donohue, such as who you talked to at the insurance company and the bank. "There's a lot to keep track of," she says.

* Sorting Out An Estate


Sorting out a Life
Heirs. Creditors. The IRS. How to handle them all if it's up to you to settle an estate.
By Kristin W. Davis
December 2003
In a 30-year career as a bank trust-department officer -- and as executor of scores of estates -- Sherry McGillicuddy has seen enough disappearing assets that she frequently changes the locks on clients' houses when they die. In one case, she came across a woman's sons in a fistfight on the front lawn. "One of the wives had a crowbar trying to get in the front door, and the other was up on a ladder trying to get in a window," says McGillicuddy, who is executive vice-president of Frost National Bank, in Austin, Tex. Her job was to tell the snarling heirs that their mother had already carefully divided her possessions, marking each item with a sticker on which she'd written the name of one son or the other.
Unseemly as it may seem, it is a good idea to secure, or at least inventory, a deceased loved one's possessions early on, to avoid a free-for-all. "I had to stop them from carting off furniture," Holly Ocasio Rizzo, a San Clemente, Cal., resident, says of the "vulturous relatives" who showed up after her father's death in 2000.
And even if your family isn't the type to go to war over Grandma's silver, a death in the family sets off a long chain of sometimes delicate financial tasks that someone has to master, despite his or her grief. Where's the will? What bills have to be paid? What's the best way to distribute household possessions or sell stuff no one in the family wants? If you're the one who has to sort it all out, this guide is for you.
Where's the will?
You could be in for a hunt if it isn't tucked away in an obvious place, such as a desk drawer, file cabinet or home safe. Mary Sue Donohue, a trusts-and-estates lawyer in Boca Raton, Fla., says some people even store their will in the freezer, wrapped in foil to protect it from fire. If the will doesn't turn up at home, check the person's place of business or look for the name of a lawyer who might have a copy. To get into a deceased person's safe-deposit box at a bank, you generally need a key plus a copy of the death certificate.
Often, a will doesn't turn up at all. After Joanne Sammer's 72-year-old father died unexpectedly last year, she searched his desk in his house in Lakewood, N.J. She found "tons of old bills, canceled checks, check stubs and other financial flotsam," but no will. A funeral director steered her to a county Web site that spelled out how to handle the estate of someone who dies intestate, that is, without a will. "None of us had ever dealt with anything like this before. We were cowed by it all," says Sammer, who lives in Brielle, N.J. But even though she had to deal with the extra hassles of appearing in probate court and posting bond as a guarantee that she would faithfully handle the estate -- a requirement that can be waived in a will -- "once we got into it, it wasn't as bad as I expected," she says.
Where's the money?
If you're lucky, your loved one has left behind a tidy record of every mutual fund account, life-insurance policy and retirement asset, not to mention an inventory of household valuables. But more often "you're going through that person's file drawers, checkbooks, account statements, anything you can" to track down assets, says McGillicuddy. The best guide is the past three or four years' tax returns, which will show where interest and dividends have been paid or capital gains taken. But as you clean out drawers and boxes, also keep an eye out for canceled checks, deeds, stock and bond certificates, insurance policies, annuities, and evidence of employee benefits, such as a 401(k) or pension plan. Think of yourself as a detective out to deconstruct a financial life. If there's no sign of a life-insurance policy, for instance, look for a canceled check that might represent a premium payment.
Additional clues can be the name of an accountant or financial adviser in a Rolodex, PDA or old-fashioned address book. You might also seek out e-mails with financial statements attached, a spreadsheet or other computer files that might list assets.
In extreme cases you may need to search public records. If you know someone had three acres of land in Kentucky, for instance, you can search deed records at the county clerk's office, says McGillicuddy. Personal effects are usually easy to find, but not always. McGillicuddy tells of a case in which a woman's jewelry went missing for two years. "We couldn't find any of the rings she wore every day," or her diamond earrings. "It was a total mystery," the trust officer recalls -- until the woman's daughter changed a roll of toilet paper one day. The jewelry was wrapped in tissue and stuffed inside the spindle of the toilet-paper holder. Apparently, that's where her mother hid the gems every night.
A PARTING GIFT: ORGANIZATION
State treasuries hold some $23 billion in unclaimed assets, much of it stocks, bonds, bank accounts, and real-estate and insurance proceeds that are abandoned because the owner died without leaving a paper trail. If your own family would have trouble locating all of your assets, do them the favor of recording what you own and where it resides. Yes, pen and paper or a simple computer spreadsheet will do. But if you need a nudge, a fill-in-the-blank workbook or software program can get you organized. Our favorites:
The Beneficiary Book (Active Insights, $29.95). The three-ring-binder format lets you add your own documents along with the detailed worksheets supplied.
Personal RecordKeeper 5 (Nolo, $35.97). This software program gathers even more exhaustive detail for your heirs, and can generate a net-worth statement or create a household inventory for your own use.
Your Family Records Organizer (Kiplinger's, $14.95). The software records everything from the location of your brokerage account to your home-safe combination and the kids' allergies and medications.
What's it worth?
It's not hard to place a dollar value on stocks, mutual funds and other financial assets, though you'll need to research share prices as of the date of death. You don't have to worry about what the deceased paid for investments because the tax basis is stepped up to date-of-death value. But what's an antique breakfront worth? Or a baseball-card collection? For IRS purposes, you're supposed to determine the property's fair-market value (the price a buyer would be willing to pay), which may bear no relationship to what an item originally cost. A dining-room table purchased for $15,000, for instance, might net $800 at auction, says Roger Hall of Hall Hanley, a Pittsburgh company that specializes in liquidating estates. It's smart to seek appraisals for valuable jewelry, furs, antiques and collectibles, not just for Uncle Sam but to ensure that such items are distributed equitably or that the estate gets fair value for them if they're sold. For the IRS, personal items that are not particularly valuable can be grouped under the general heading "Furniture, furnishings and personal effects" and given a lump-sum value, says Julia Nissley in her book, How to Probate an Estate in California (Nolo Press, $49.99).
Debts of the deceased
My relatives were under the mistaken impression that you could walk away from the debts," says Holly Rizzo. You can't.
Before any money can be distributed to heirs, creditors get first crack at the estate. (Assets that pass directly to a named beneficiary, such as life insurance, an IRA or a pay-on-death bank account, for instance, are notable exceptions.) If necessary, hard assets should be sold to raise the cash needed to pay off debts.
Finding debts usually isn't difficult. "Creditors are not shy about finding you," says McGillicuddy. Nonetheless, state laws generally require you to notify creditors of the death and even to post a notice in a local newspaper.
What happens then can be unpredictable. When her daughter died unexpectedly in 2002 with substantial debt, Marilyn Willenbrink of Bluffton, S.C., sent letters to each creditor. Several never bothered to make claims against the estate, including one credit-card issuer that was owed $16,000. A utility company, however, made a claim for $63.
Family members are not expected to foot the bill for debts that exceed estate assets, but one credit-card company nonetheless asked Willenbrink to pay up. "Anyone could be quite intimidated by that," she says. "Fortunately, I knew I was not responsible for the bill."
If there's not enough money to pay all the debts, certain creditors get priority, depending on state law: The funeral home, the IRS and health-care providers all get paid before credit-card issuers, for instance. If the estate is insolvent, you'll need the help of a probate lawyer to sort out who should get how much.

Unfinished business
What if a family member dies before completing a real-estate transaction or before fulfilling the terms of some other financial contract? Generally, the executor is obliged to follow through on contractual obligations. Donohue, for instance, had a contract to buy a house from a woman who died before the transaction closed. The family wanted to back out of the deal, but she successfully sued to complete the sale.
But sometimes you can appeal to reason. Rizzo says that her father's landlord tried to keep the security deposit on his apartment, arguing that he had broken the 12-month lease. But Rizzo objected to the management company and got the money returned to her father's estate.

Now, who gets what?
Sometimes a will is very specific, leaving the jewelry to one heir and the oriental rugs to another. But often, the will leaves property to heirs in "equal shares," requiring family members to find a way to choose for themselves.
In one estate McGillicuddy handled, a woman's will instructed her to give Monopoly money to each of four daughters and then to conduct an "auction" to determine who inherited which items. But families often do fine with a simple get-together in which each heir chooses an item in turn, either pulling names from a hat to determine who goes first or choosing by birth order, says Donohue. If the heirs choose items that aren't equal in value, sometimes there's a cash distribution to even things out.
"It can be a delicate process," says McGillicuddy. "Most families are dysfunctional to some degree, and they have emotional baggage they're bringing along."

What to do with what's left?
If the remainder is modest, you may want to hold a tag sale or simply give household items and clothes to charity. "I would have loved to have held a yard sale or an estate sale," says Rizzo, but "we sold everything to a secondhand-furniture store."
If there are numerous valuable items, such as artwork or collectibles, it may simplify your life to hire an estate-liquidation company to do the work for you. Hall Hanley, in Pittsburgh, for instance, can help inventory assets, arrange for appraisals, ship goods to family members, and sell or auction items no one in the family wants to keep. The cost can run several thousand dollars but is worth it if you'd otherwise have to coordinate those efforts from out of town. You can even auction the house.

As for automobiles, if they aren't left to anyone in particular, they can be included in the property that is distributed among heirs, or they can be sold, with the proceeds going to the estate. (Either way, you will have to change the title with the local department of motor vehicles.)

Hiring help
Joanne Sammer was able to handle her father's estate -- even absent a will -- without hiring any outside help. Rizzo, who lives in San Clemente, Cal., paid a probate attorney about $500 to handle most of the paperwork required to settle her father's estate in Cottonwood, Ariz. Willenbrink was not only out-of-state but also needed legal counsel for handling creditors. She paid a Tennessee lawyer $1,800 in fees.
You could spend much more if you need help with a more complicated estate -- one with, say, a closely held business, limited partnerships, or oil and gas investments (anywhere from $2,500 to $25,000 for an estate of $1 million or less, says Donohue). You may also need legal help if anyone in the family is likely to contest the will. Another option is to hire a bank trust department to serve as your agent and handle all the details. That could cost as much as 1% to 3% of the estate.
However, there are intangible rewards to doing the job yourself. "It's as if you're doing the last service for your dead relative," says Rizzo. "It takes your mind off the grief a little."
--Reporter: Joan Goldwasser

IN CASE OF DEATH: A to-do list for those left behind
In the initial weeks after a family member dies -- long before you distribute assets or pay off creditors -- someone needs to tackle the following tasks. Most usually fall to the estate's executor.
Get death certificates. Estimate how many you need and ask for twice as many, suggests Ann Perry, author of The WI$E Inheritor (Broadway Books, $12.95). You'll need certified copies to claim insurance proceeds and to transfer money out of bank, brokerage and mutual fund accounts, among other things. Twenty is not an unreasonable number, says Perry. You'll save yourself trouble by letting the funeral home get them for you.
Have the mail forwarded. The bills and financial statements that come in the mail are often the most reliable way to find all the deceased person's assets and debts. The mail will also be your trigger to cancel newspaper and magazine subscriptions, cable-TV service and other recurring expenses, and to request refunds where appropriate.
Hold the bills. Before you pay even the phone bill, the executor needs to determine if there are enough assets to cover all bills and expenses. If not, creditors have to line up -- with state law determining which have priority. (An exception: If a survivor continues to live in a home, you should continue to pay the mortgage and utility bills.)
Open a bank account. You'll need a place to deposit interest and life-insurance proceeds, and from which to pay bills for the estate.
Apply for a taxpayer-ID number. The IRS considers the deceased person and his or her estate to be separate taxpaying entities. So you'll need a separate tax-identification number to file tax returns for the estate, which will account for dividends, interest and capital gains on the deceased person's assets during the administration of the estate. (You can skip this if the income is less than $600.) You'll also need to file final federal and state income-tax returns, accounting for your family member's earnings until the date of death. A federal estate-tax return is due if assets in the estate exceed $1 million in 2003 (that figure jumps to $1.5 million in 2004 and 2005).
Notify social security. If the person was receiving social security benefits, you'll have to return the check for the month he or she died, even if the death occurred at the end of the month.
Buy a notebook. "Immediately start writing everything down," advises Florida attorney Mary Sue Donohue, such as who you talked to at the insurance company and the bank. "There's a lot to keep track of," she says.

* Money Matters


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Inherit Money?
Advice:

Your first move should be to deposit your new wealth in a bank or brokerage account, advises Martin Shenkman, a tax and estate lawyer in Teaneck, N.J.
With the money tucked safely away, there's no need to make hasty decisions about what to do with it.
Your mortgage may be the one debt you want to keep, if you've locked into a relatively low interest rate and aren't planning to retire right away. Paying off a 5.5% mortgage, for example, is the equivalent of earning 5.5% on your money. On average, you should be able to earn 7% or 8% annually on a good mix of stocks and bonds, a more profitable use of your funds. Paying off your loan also means losing the tax deduction for mortgage interest.

Taxes
Some inheritances, such as life insurance proceeds, are tax free. But, depending on its size, an estate may be subject to federal or state estate taxes. In 2007, estates worth up to $2 million are exempt from federal estate taxes. But more than a dozen states levy their own estate tax, often on smaller estates, and a few states require heirs to pay an inheritance tax.
Record the value of everything you inherit as of the date of your benefactor's death. That date usually determines your new cost basis for tax purposes; you'll be taxed on any appreciation from then until the date you sell the asset.
Inheriting a retirement account, such as a 401(k) or a traditional individual retirement account, is tricky business that requires professional advice. The rules vary depending on whether you're a spouse, a named beneficiary of the account or an heir named in the will.

You can usually inherit a Roth IRA without tax consequences, but that's not true of a regular IRA. If you simply withdraw the money from an IRA or 401(k), you'll owe taxes on the entire amount. Only if the benefactor is a spouse can you roll over an inherited IRA into your own IRA.
The best strategy would be to retitle the inherited IRA as a "beneficiary IRA" in your name and that of the deceased. That way, the money will continue to accrue tax-deferred earnings. In the year after the original owner's death, you will be required to begin taking annual withdrawals based on your life expectancy. Rules approved by Congress in 2006 allow you to convert an inherited 401(k) to a beneficiary IRA and handle it the same way. Previously, only spouses could transfer a 401(k) to their own IRA.

Investing
Don't let sentiment influence the way you handle an inheritance. A portfolio of bonds makes no sense if you're depending on asset growth to finance three decades of retirement, for example. Or perhaps your benefactor hung on to a large stock position to avoid a big tax bill. With the tax slate wiped clean, this could be the time to sell and start fresh.

If you plan to work for another decade or longer, you can afford to take more risk, putting 80% or more of your inheritance into a diversified mix of stocks or stock funds. But if you plan to retire in less than 10 years, keep one-third of the money in bonds. And if you're ready to retire and need to tap your investments for living expenses, up your bond allocation to 40%, with the remainder in stocks.

If your time horizon is shorter -- say, if you're funding college for your teenage children -- you should be more conservative, stashing at least half of your money in high-quality short- or intermediate-term bonds or bond funds. Through a state plan, the Grabskis prepaid tuition for all of their children at any public college in Virginia.

This article was reported and written by Steven Goldberg for Kiplinger's Personal Finance Magazine
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Stretch Your IRA to Last for Generations
Tax-deferred assets can grow for decades if your heirs don't make mistakes.June 2006
You've built up a nice pile of cash in an IRA, but you don't need the money for your retirement. You want to pass on the account to your kids. If all goes as planned, the assets in this tax-deferred account will continue to grow, perhaps well into their retirement. Even your grandchildren could benefit.


But if you want to stretch your IRA tax shelter to last an extra generation or two, your heirs need to follow some very complex rules. Any slip-up could result in accelerating the cash-out and the tax bill that goes along with it.

To show the potential of the stretch strategy, MFS Investment Management offers this illustration: Dad has $100,000 in a traditional IRA, and dies at age 68. His 58-year-old wife, who doesn't need the money, rolls over the cash into her own IRA. But she doesn't touch it until she's 70 1/2, when the IRS requires her to take annual minimum distributions. (At that age, her distributions can be spread over 27 years.) She dies at 80, having netted, after taxes, $92,820. Her daughter, Anne, who is 50, takes distributions based on her own life expectancy; by the time she dies at 77, she's received net income of $371,971. Anne's son, the grandson of the original owner, pulls out $315,467 over nine years. Total after-tax payout: $780,259 over 46 years.Of course, this scenario is based on a number of assumptions, such as a 6% annual return on the account, 2005 tax rates and heirs who withdraw only the required minimum. "Part of this is having the confidence that your kids won't take out more," says Richard Johnson, an estate-planning lawyer with Waller Lansden Dortch & Davis in Nashville.So it's a good idea to sit down with your heirs and explain the benefits of the stretch -- and the inadvertent ways they could bungle the whole thing. Here's how to make your IRA last for generations.

Roll over your company plan.
If maintaining the tax shelter as long as possible is important to you, roll over any money left in a 401(k) or other company plan into an IRA. (The exception could be if you have a large amount of appreciated company stock. See "Your Questions Answered," April.) Most 401(k) plans force heirs to quickly cash out. Designate your beneficiaries. Whether it's a new IRA or an old one, make sure you name a primary beneficiary, usually your spouse. Also designate contingent beneficiaries, perhaps your children, in case your primary beneficiary dies before you. Or you can name your grandchildren. "They have the longest life expectancy, and the money compounds longer," says Philip Kavesh, an estate-planning lawyer with Kavesh, Minor and Otis in Torrance, Cal. "A 10-year-old's minimum distribution is very small and can go into a custodial account."If you do not designate beneficiaries, your IRA could end up in your estate. That would deny your heirs the chance to tie payouts to their own life expectancies. How fast they must withdraw depends on when you die, says Ed Slott, an IRA expert (www.irahelp.com). If there's no designated beneficiary and you die after 70 1/2, the minimum withdrawal would be based on what would have been your remaining life expectancy. If you die before 70 1/2, your heirs must cash out the entire account by the end of the fifth year following the year of your death.

Educate your spouse.
If a widow younger than 59 1/2 needs the money, she should keep it in her husband's IRA; if she rolled over the money into her own IRA, she would pay a 10% penalty on the early distributions taken before age 59 1/2. But if she continues to keep the money in her husband's account and then dies, the contingent beneficiaries would have to take distributions based on her life expectancy.If she wants her children to be able to take withdrawals over their lifetimes, she has two choices. She can "disclaim" the money, meaning it goes directly to the contingent beneficiaries. Or she can roll over the account into her own IRA. She would then designate beneficiaries, who could take distributions based on their longer life expectancies when she dies.Alert the next generation of the pitfalls. Make sure your spouse and other beneficiaries don't allow an adviser to liquidate the account and cut a check. Your beneficiaries will pay taxes on the distribution and lose the chance for tax-deferred growth.Also, note that only a surviving spouse has the right to roll over an inherited IRA into his or her own account. If your children or any other beneficiary cashes out an account in hopes of doing so, the full amount is taxable. If you have multiple beneficiaries, they may want to split your IRA into several "beneficiary IRAs" after you die. That way, says Vicky Schroebel, an MFS Investment vice-president, "each one can do the stretch the way they want. One may want to take the money and run, while another could allow the balance to grow tax-deferred."But Slott warns that the splitting must be done correctly or the money becomes taxable. "The average bank messes this up," he says. The split must take place by the end of the year after the owner's death. Each new account must be titled "beneficiary account" or "inherited account," and the deceased owner's name must remain on each account. Then the custodian of the IRA must conduct a direct trustee-to-trustee transfer to each beneficiary account.If stretching your IRA tax shelter to the nth degree is your ultimate goal, consider converting your IRA to a Roth. A demand that payouts start at age 70 1/2 doesn't apply to a Roth, so you could let your account grow until death. At that point, your beneficiaries could stretch payouts over their life expectancies and never owe tax on withdrawals.

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Keep Your Wealth in the Family
It's important to get your paperwork in order, and let your kids into the loop.
By Ronaleen Roha
September 2006
Editor's note: This article appears in Kiplinger's special issue Success With Your Money.
Deciding how to leave assets to your heirs can be difficult even for the most agreeable of spouses, as Bud and Jacqui Reinfeld can testify. The Reinfelds have several nieces and nephews they would like to provide for, and when they got down to planning their estates after 35 years of marriage, they figured it would be easy.
And it was, for the most part. Both wanted to make the division as equitable as possible. But when it turned out that Jacqui had already promised their house to one of their nieces, that presented a problem.
To work things out, the Reinfelds, who live in Los Angeles, sought help from Michael Eisenberg, a certified public accountant and financial planner. He helped them draw up a formula that takes into account a possible increase or decrease in the value of the house. “People are amazed at what they don’t know about estate planning,” says Eisenberg. “Once they learn about what they can do, they loosen up a bit.”
Says Bud Reinfeld, “You have to be able to talk to someone who can help you work through the issues.”
Pieces of the plan
As the Reinfelds discovered, an estate plan should be customized to fit your specific goals and circumstances. But every well-crafted plan should include the following pieces:

A will.
Nearly 60% of Americans don’t have a will, according to a survey by Lawyers.com, an online database of lawyers from legal publishers LexisNexis Martindale-Hubbell. A will lets you distribute your assets as you choose. The person you name to be your executor or personal representative will gather your assets after your death, handle any probate proceedings and ultimately distribute your assets to your heirs or trustees.

A durable power of attorney for financial matters.
Only 26% of those surveyed by Lawyers.com have this valuable document, which names someone to handle your financial affairs if you are unable to do so. A durable power of attorney can go into effect as soon as it is signed. But most states permit a “springing” power that takes effect only if you become incapacitated.

A living will and a durable power of attorney for health care.
A health-care power of attorney names someone to make health-care decisions on your behalf if you can’t. It applies even if you’re temporarily incapacitated, by an auto accident, for example. A living will spells out your wishes regarding life-sustaining treatment. It generally takes effect only if you become terminally ill and can’t speak for yourself, or if you are in a persistent vegetative state.
Despite the publicity generated by the case of Terri Schiavo, the Florida woman whose husband and family battled over her treatment after she had been in a persistent vegetative state for 13 years, fewer than 30% of Americans have drafted these documents.

A review of beneficiary designations.
Beneficiary designations on assets such as life-insurance policies and IRAs can foil a great estate plan if they contradict other provisions in the plan. Beneficiary designations always take precedence.
Some estate plans include additional documents, such as a revocable living trust. You create a living trust and transfer ownership of your assets to it during your lifetime. You can generally be your own trustee and name a successor to take over if you can’t manage your own affairs. Because the trust is revocable, you have the option of changing or even ending it at any time.
You still need a will, however, to name a guardian for minor children or to direct that any of your assets that did not get transferred to the trust during your lifetime be “poured over” into it after your death.
All of the assets you put in a living trust before your death avoid probate, which is the legal process for gathering your assets after death, paying your debts and distributing the property to your heirs. But a living trust does not help you save on income taxes; you continue to pay income tax on the trust’s earnings on your personal Form 1040. The assets are also part of your taxable estate.
Midlife checkup
Although everyone should have a basic estate plan that includes a will, specific issues take on special importance at certain points in your life. In particular, midlife couples should:
Pin down durable powers of attorney for financial matters and health care, plus living wills. Create an emergency plan in case a caregiver spouse becomes ill.
Review your pension plan to make sure your spouse understands all of the provisions.
If you own a vacation home in another state, consider putting it into a revocable living trust so that your heirs can avoid probate in that state.
Look into buying long-term-care insurance.
Speak up
Whatever provisions you make in your estate plan, it’s best to tell family members your intentions. It’s better to prepare them now than to surprise them later, especially if you don’t plan to divide your assets equally among members of your family.
And it’s important to update your estate plan to reflect changes in your family’s circumstances. When Carolyn Roberts got divorced 30 years ago, she wrote a will specifying that all of her assets were to be put in trust for her three children, then ages 7, 5 and 3, until they reached age 21, with her brother as trustee.
Twenty years later, she remarried. Her new husband, Laurence Roberts, also had three grown children. At the time, Larry had built up savings and was close to paying off the house he had owned for 17 years. Carolyn had little savings and little equity in her co-op apartment. When they wrote their wills, Larry left his assets to his children, and Carolyn left her property to her kids.
Because of Carolyn’s unhappy experience in her first marriage, she and Larry specified that should any of their children die before they did, the inheritance would go to the grandchildren rather than to the child’s spouse. One of Carolyn’s children would be co-executor with Larry if anything happened to her; one of Larry’s children would be co-executor with Carolyn if anything happened to him.
After Carolyn and Larry were married for a decade, they decided to redo their wills. They have built up savings together and recently bought a bigger house, which Carolyn renovated to include a huge basement playroom for their grandchildren, in Livonia, Mich. This time they decided to split things evenly among all of their children. But even though their children are now grown, Carolyn and Larry attached strings to their plan. “If somebody is in financial trouble, is being sued or has drug or alcohol problems, the executors will hold off on giving them their inheritance,” says Carolyn.
Hire a lawyer?
If your needs are simple, a do-it-yourself software program, such as Quicken WillMaker Plus 2007 ($50 on CD, $40 as a download from http://www.nolo.com/), may be all you need. However, if you have children from more than one marriage, have a spouse or child who is disabled, own a business, are a partner in an unmarried couple or have enough assets to run afoul of the federal estate tax, you should get expert help from a lawyer who specializes in estate planning.
Fees vary widely, depending on your situation and where you live. Relatively simple wills for a married couple—including trusts for children, durable powers of attorney, a living will and a review of all beneficiary designations—might cost less than $500. Drafting a separate revocable living trust might add $1,000 to $1,500 to the tab, and planning to minimize the estate tax is likely to cost even more.
You can find an estate-planning lawyer through the American College of Trust and Estate Counsel (http://www.actec.org/) or at http://www.lawyers.com/.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Heavenly Father Protects Me


Light at the End of the Tunnel

No matter what... there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Retirement




























































































Saturday, May 2, 2009

Bored Husband @ Walmart

Bored Husband

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Wal-MartUnfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, my wife is like most women; she loved to browse.
Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Wal-Mart.

Dear Mrs. Samsel,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Samsel are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.
#1 June 15:
Took 24 boxes of tampons and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.
#2 July 2:
Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
#3 July 7:
Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
#4 July 19:
Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, "Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away."
#5 August 4:
Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.
#6 August 14:
Moved a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area.
#7 August 15:
Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.
#8 August 23:
When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
#9 September 4:
Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
#10 September 10:
While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
#11 October 3:
Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
#12 October 6:
In the auto department, he practiced his "Madonna look" by using different sizes of funnels.
#13 October 18:
Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled "PICK ME! PICK ME!"
#14 October 21:
When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed "OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!" And last, but not least.
#15 October 23:
Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!"

The Excellent Life

My dad sent me this sweet thought, titled EXCELLENT!

Thanks dad! I love you!

The first day of school our professor introduced himself and challenged us to get to know someone we didn't already know.
I stood up to look around when a gentle hand touched my shoulder. I turned around to find a wrinkled, little old lady beaming up at me with a smile that lit up her entire being.
She said, 'Hi handsome. My name is Rose. I'm eighty-seven years old. Can I give you a hug?'
I laughed and enthusiastically responded, 'Of course you may!' and she gave me a giant squeeze.
'Why are you in college at such a young, innocent age?' I asked.
She jokingly replied, 'I'm here to meet a rich husband, get married, and have a couple of kids...'
'No seriously,' I asked. I was curious what may have motivated her to be taking on this challenge at her age.
'I always dreamed of having a college education and now I'm getting one!' she told me.
After class we walked to the student union building and shared a chocolate milkshake. We became instant friends.
Every day for the next three months we would leave class together and talk non-stop. I was always mesmerized listening to this 'time machine' as she shared her wisdom and experience with me.
Over the course of the year, Rose became a campus icon and she easily made friends wherever she went. She loved to dress up and she revelled in the attention bestowed upon her from the other students. She was living it up.
At the end of the semester we invited Rose to speak at our football banquet. I'll never forget what she taught us. She was introduced and stepped up to the podium. As she began to deliver her prepared speech, she dropped her three by five cards on the floor. Frustrated and a little embarrassed she leaned into the microphone and simply said, 'I'm sorry I'm so jittery. I gave up beer for Lent and this whiskey is killing me! I'll never get my speech back in order so let me just tell you what I know.' As we laughed she cleared her throat and began,

***'We do not stop playing because we are old; we grow old because we stop playing.
***There are only four secrets to staying young, being happy and achieving success.
***You have to laugh and find humour every day.
***You've got to have a dream. When you lose your dreams, you die.
***We have so many people walking around who are dead and don't even know it!
***There is a huge difference between growing older and growing up.

If you are nineteen years old and lie in bed for one full year and don't do one productive thing, you will turn twenty years old. If I am eighty-seven years old and stay in bed for a year and never do anything I will turn eighty -eight.

***Anybody can grow older. That doesn't take any talent orability. The idea is to grow up by always finding opportunity in change. Have noregrets. The elderly usually don't have regrets for what we did, but rather for things we did not do. The only people who fear death are those withregrets'
She concluded her speech by courageously singing 'The Rose.' She challenged each of us to study the lyrics and live them out in our daily lives.
At the year's end Rose finished the college degree she had begun all those years ago. One week after graduation Rose died peacefully in her sleep. Over two thousand college students attended her funeral in tribute to the wonderful woman who taught by example that it's never too late to be all you can possibly be.

REMEMBER, GROWING OLDER IS MANDATORY. GROWING UP IS OPTIONAL.

***We make a Living by what we get, We make a Life by what we give.
***God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage. If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.