* Stress Management

Stress Management

This was sent through email from my dad.

Thanks Dad!

A lecturer when explaining stress management to an audience raised a glass of water and asked 'How heavy is this glass of water?' Answers called out ranged from 20g to 500g. The lecturer replied, 'The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long you try to hold it.

If I hold it for a minute, that's not a problem.

If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my right arm.

If I hold it for a day, you'll have to call an ambulance.

In each case, it's the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes.

'He continued, 'And that's the way it is with stress management.

If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the burden becomes increasingly heavy,we won't be able to carry on.

''As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again. When we're refreshed, we can carry on with the burden.'

'So, before you return home tonight, put the burden of work down.

Don't carry it home.

You can pick it up tomorrow.

Whatever burdens you're carrying now,let them down for a moment if you can.'

So, my friend, Put down anything that may be a burden to you right now. Don't pick it up again until after you've rested a while.

* Interview With God

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* Blonde Moments

Ok... I am not the type of person to post a picture like this.... and I LOVE blonde people...

but, these are funny...

MONDAY
It's fun to cook for Tom. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. The neighbors were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls.

TUESDAY
Tom wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said serve without dressing. So I didn't dress. What a surprise when Tom brought a friend home for supper.

WEDNESDAY
good day for rice. The recipe said wash thoroughly before steaming the rice. It seemed kind of silly but I took a bath anyway. I can't say it improved the rice any.

THURSDAY
Today Tom asked for salad again I tried a new recipe. It said prepare ingredients; lay on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving. Tom asked me why I was rolling around in the garden..

FRIDAY
I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said put the ingredients in a bowl and beat it. There must have been something wrong with this recipe. When I got back, everything was the same as when I left.

SATURDAY
Tom did the shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday. I don't have any clothes that fit it, and for some reason Tom keeps counting to ten.

SUNDAY
Tom's folks came to dinner. I wanted to serve roast but all I had was hamburger. Suddenly I had a flash of genius.. I put the hamburger in the oven and set the controls for roast. It still came out hamburger, much to my disappointment.

GOOD NIGHT DEAR DIARY ...
This has been a very exciting week! I am eager for tomorrow to come so I can try out a new recipe on Tom. If I can talk Tom into buying a bigger oven, I would like to surprise him with a chocolate moose.

* Peacock Hair

This was sent by my friend Emily... Cracked me up!

Old People...

I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes.

We decided to grab a bite at the food court.

I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him.

The kid had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, and blue.

My dad kept staring at him.

The teenager would look and find him staring every time.

When the teenager had enough, he sarcastically asked, 'What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?'

Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on his response; knowing he would have a good one.

And in classic style he did not bat an eye in his response.

'Got drunk once and made love to a peacock.

I was just wondering if you were my son.'

(Laughing my toosh off here!) LOL

* You Go Girl!

I think this is so funny!!! Check out the P.S.With Love, Jennie (My Niece)

To my darling husband,

Before you return from your overseas trip I just want to let you know about the small accident I had with the pick up truck when I turned into the driveway. Fortunately not too bad and I really didn't get hurt, so please don't worry too much about me. I was coming home from lunch with the girls, and when I turned into the driveway I accidentally pushed down on the accelerator instead of the brake.. The garage door is slightly bent but the pick up fortunately came to a halt when it bumped into your car. I am really sorry, but I know with your kind-hearted personality you will forgive me.

You know how much I Love you and care for you my sweetheart. I am enclosing a picture for you. I cannot wait to hold you in my arms again.

Your loving wife. XX

P.S.. Your girlfriend called!

* Tent City Jail

Sent to me from my son Kyle!

TO THOSE OF YOU NOT FAMILIAR WITH JOE ARPAIO HE IS THE MARICOPA ARIZONA COUNTY SHERIFF AND HE KEEPS GETTING ELECTED OVER AND OVER THIS IS ONE OF THE REASONS WHY:

Sheriff Joe Arpaio (In Arizona ) created the " Tent City Jail":

He has jail meals down to 40 cents a serving and charges the inmates for them.

He stopped smoking and porno magazines in the jails.

Took away their weights Cut off all but "G" movies.

He started chain gangs so the inmates could do free work on county and city projects.

Then He Started Chain Gangs For Women So He Wouldn't Get Sued For Discrimination.

He took away cable TV Until he found out there was A Federal Court Order that Required Cable TV For Jails. So He Hooked Up The Cable TV Again Only Let In The Disney Channel And The Weather Channel. When asked why the weather channel He Replied, So They Will Know How Hot It's Gonna Be While They Are Working ON My Chain Gangs.

He Cut Off Coffee Since It Has Zero Nutritional Value.When the inmates complained, he told them, "This Isn't The Ritz/Carlton. If You Don't Like It, Don't Come Back."

He bought Newt Gingrich' lecture series on videotape that he pipes into the jails. When asked by a reporter if he had any lecture series by a Democrat, he replied that a democratic lecture series might explain why a lot of the inmates were in his jails in the first place.

With Temperatures Being Even Hotter! Than Usual In Phoenix (116 Degrees Just Set A New Record), the Associated Press Reports: About 2,000 Inmates Living In A Barbed-Wire-Surrounded Tent Encampment At The Maricopa County Jail Have Been Given Permission To Strip Down To Their Government-Issued Pink Boxer Shorts. On Wednesday, hundreds of men wearing boxers were either curled up on their bunk beds or chatted in the tents, which reached 138 Degrees Inside The Week Before. Many Were Also Swathed In Wet, Pink Towels As Sweat! Collected! On Their Chests And Dripped Down To Their PINK SOCKS.

"It Feels Like We Are In A Furnace," Said James Zanzot, An Inmate Who Has Lived In The TENTS for 1 year. "It's Inhumane."

Joe Arpaio, the tough-guy sheriff who created the tent city and long ago started making his prisoners wear pink, and eat bologna sandwiches, is not one bit sympathetic He said Wednesday that he told all of the inmates: "It's 120 Degrees In Iraq And Our Soldiers Are Living In Tents Too, And They Have To Wear Full Battle Gear, But They Didn't Commit Any Crimes, So Shut Your &%!+ mouths."

Way To Go, Sheriff! Maybe if all prisons were like this one there would be a lot less crime and/or repeat offenders. Criminals should be punished for their crimes - not live in luxury until it's time for their parole, only to go out and commit another crime so they can get back in to live on taxpayers money and enjoy things taxpayers can't afford to have for themselves.

* Do Not Swallow Chewing Gum !!

My friend Emily sent this to me!

It makes me laugh so hard that I nearly wet myself! I have one of these yoga balls... I never thought about what it looks like when I sit on it! GOSH!