* Aging With Humor

This was sent to me by my good friend, Ila. Ila is retired now. I hope you are enjoying the good life Ila. I hope you remembe me! lol

Aging With Humor

Just before the funeral services, the under taker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?" "98," she replied. "Two years older than me." "So you're 96," the undertaker commented. She responded, "Hardly worth going home, isn't it?"



Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply replied, "No peer pressure."



The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.



I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But Thank God, I still have my Driver's License.



I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.



An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her Preacher she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart. "Wal-Mart?" the Preacher exclaimed. "Why Wal-Mart?" "Then I'll be sure my daughters will visit me twice a week."



My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.



Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.



It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker.



These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast relief."



Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow old because you stop laughing.

THE SENILITY PRAYER:

Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway,

the good fortune to run into the ones I do,

and the eyesight to tell the difference.

* The Paradox of our Time ~ George Carlin

I'm not sure I agree with all that Mr. Carlin the comedian made comical...but this message sent to me by my friend Rindi really makes you think...

Isn't it amazing that George Carlin - comedian of the 70's and 80's - could write something so very eloquent...and so very appropriate. A Message by George Carlin:

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways, but narrower viewpoints.

We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom. We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values.

We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space.

We've done larger things, but not better things. We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less.

We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships.

These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete...

* JEFF FOXWORTHY: How do YOU know you're a TEACHER

This was sent to me by 3 friends: Jan, our resource instructor, Stephanie a parent, and Adrian a Kindergarten Tutor. They are just too funny! Something to think about on those teacher bad hair days! LOL

HOW DO YOU KNOW YOU ARE A TEACHER??

by Jeff Foxworthy

1. You can hear 25 voices behind you and know exactly which one belongs to the child out of line.

2. You get a secret thrill out of laminating something.

3. You walk into a store and hear the words "It's Ms Mr. _________" and know you have been spotted.

4. You have 25 people that accidentally call you Mom/Dad at one time or another.

5. You can eat a multi-course meal in under twenty-five minutes.

6. You've trained yourself to go to the bathroom at two distinct times of the day: lunch and prep period.

7. You start saving other people's trash, because most likely, you can use that toilet paper tube or plastic butter tub for something in the classroom.

8. You believe the teachers' lounge should be equipped with a continuous flow of chocolate...mmm..a chocolate fountain machine?

9. You want to slap the next person who says "Must be nice to work 7 to 3 and have summers off."

10. You believe chocolate is a food group.

11. You can tell if it's a full moon without ever looking outside.

12. You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says "Boy, the kids sure are mellow today."

13. You feel the urge to talk to strange children and correct their behavior when you are out in public.

14. You believe in aerial spraying of Ritalin. (I Don't believe it!)

15. You think caffeine should be available in intravenous form.

16. You spend more money on school stuff than you do on your own children.

17. You can't pass the school supply aisle without getting at least five items!

18. You ask your friends if the left hand turn he just made was a "good choice or a bad choice."

19. You find true beauty in a can full of perfectly sharpened pencils

20. You are secretly addicted to hand sanitizer and finally,

21. You understand instantaneously why a child behaves a certain way after meeting his or her parents... I've always enjoyed the best parents!!! Thank you parents.

* Student DESKs: Because of the Brave

This email message was sent to me by my library friend Ila. It is a powerful message...

Subject: Desks

Back in September of 2005, on the first day of school, MarthaCothren, a social studies school teacher at Robinson High School in LittleRock, did something not to be forgotten.

On the first day of school, with permission of the schoolsuperintendent, the principal and the building supervisor, she took all of the desks out of the classroom.

The kids came into first period and there were no desks. They obviously looked around and said, "Ms. Cothren, where's our desk?" And she said, "You can't have a desk until you tell me how you earn them."

They thought, "Well, maybe it's our grades."

"No," she said.

"Maybe it's our behavior."

And she told them, "No, it's not even your behavior."

And so they came and went in the first period, still no desks in the classroom.

Second period, same thing, third period too.

By early afternoon television news crews had gathered in Ms. Cothren's class to find out about this crazy teacher who had taken all the desks out of the classroom.

The last period of the day, Martha Cothren gathered her class. They were at this time sitting on the floor around the sides of the room.

And she says, "Throughout the day no one has really understood how you earn the desks that sit in this classroom ordinarily."

She said, "Now I'm going to tell you."

Martha Cothren went over to the door of her classroom and opened it, and as she did 27 U.S. veterans, wearing their uniforms, walked into that classroom, each one carrying a school desk. And they placed those school desks in rows, and then they stood along the wall.

And by the time they had finished placing those desks, those kids, for the first time I think perhaps in their lives, understood how they earned those desks.

Martha said, "You don't have to earn those desks. These guys did it for you. They put them out there for you, but it's up to you to sit here responsibly to learn, to be good students and good citizens, because they paid a price for you to have that desk, and don't ever forget it."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Friends, I think sometimes we forget that the freedoms that we have are freedoms not because of celebrities. The freedoms are because of ordinary people who did extraordinary things, who loved this country more than life itself, and who not only earned a school desk for a kid at the Robinson High School in Little Rock, but who earned a seat for you and me to enjoy this great land we call home, this wonderful nation that we better love enough to protect and preserve with the kind of conservative, solid values and principles that made us a great nation.

"We live in the Land of the Free because of the brave."

Please remember our Troops!

* The Smell of Rain: It Smells Like Him

The smell of rain.
A cold March wind danced around the dead of night in Dallas as the doctor walked into the small hospital room of Diana Blessing. She was still groggy from surgery. Her husband, David, held her hand as they braced themselves for the latest news.
That afternoon of March 10, 1991, complications had forced Diana, only 24-weeks pregnant, to undergo an emergency Caesarean to deliver couple's new daughter, Dana Lu Blessing.
At 12 inches long and weighing only one pound nine ounces, they already knew she was perilously premature. Still, the doctor's soft words dropped like bombs. "I don't think she's going to make it," he said, as kindly as he could.
"There's only a 10-percent chance she will live through the night, and even then, if by some slim chance she does make it, her future could be a very cruel one"
Numb with disbelief, David and Diana listened as the doctor described the devastating problems Dana would likely face if she survived.
She would never walk, she would never talk, she would probably be blind, and she would certainly be prone to other catastrophic conditions from cerebral palsy to complete mental retardation, and on and on. "No! No!" was all Diana could say.
She and David, with their 5-year-old son Dustin, had long dreamed of the day they would have a daughter to become a family of four. Now, within a matter of hours, that dream was slipping away But as those first days passed, a new agony set in for David and Diana.
Because Dana's underdeveloped nervous system was essentially 'raw', the lightest kiss or caress only intensified her discomfort, so they couldn't even cradle their tiny baby girl against their chests to offer the strength of their love. All they could do, as Dana struggled alone beneath the ultraviolet light in the tangle of tubes and wires, was to pray that God would stay close to their precious little girl. There was never a moment when Dana suddenly grew stronger.
But as the weeks went by, she did slowly gain an ounce of weight here and an ounce of strength there.
At last, when Dana turned two months old. her parents were able to hold her in their arms for the very first time.
And two months later, though doctors continued to gently but grimly warn that her chances of surviving, much less living any kind of normal life, were next to zero, Dana went home from the hospital, just as her mother had predicted.
Five years later, when Dana was a petite but feisty young girl with glittering gray eyes and an unquenchable zest for life. She showed no signs whatsoever of any mental or physical impairment. Simply, she was everything a little girl can be and more. But that happy ending is far from the end of her story.
One blistering afternoon in the summer of 1996 near her home in Irving, Texas, Dana was sitting in her mother's lap in the bleachers of a local ball park where her brother Dustin's baseball team was practicing. As always, Dana was chattering nonstop with her mother and several other adults sitting nearby when she suddenly fell silent.
Hugging her arms across her chest, little Dana asked, "Do you smell that?" Smelling the air and detecting the approach of a thunderstorm, Diana replied, "Yes, it smells like rain."
Dana closed her eyes and again asked, "Do you smell that?" Once again, her mother replied, "Yes, I think we're about to get wet. It smells like rain."
Still caught in the moment, Dana shook her head, patted her thin shoulders with her small hands and loudly announced, "No, it smells like Him. It smells like God when you lay your head on His chest."
Tears blurred Diana's eyes as Dana happily hopped down to play with the other children. Before the rains came, her daughter's words confirmed what Diana and all the members of the extended Blessing family had known, at least in their hearts, all along.
During those long days and nights of her first two months of her life, when her nerves were too sensitive for them to touch her, God was holding Dana on His chest and it is His loving scent that she remembers so well.