* Fish

* Dilbert One Liners

This was sent to me by my sister, Jennie... Some are very CUTE. Love you Jennie!
Here are some nice Dilbert's one liners..:
1. I say no to cafine, it just doesn't listen.

2. A friend in need is a pest indeed.

3. Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.

4. Work is fine if it doesn't take too much of your time.

5. When everything comes in your way you're in the wrong lane.

6. The light at the end of the tunnel may be an incoming train.

7. Born free, taxed to death.

8. Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.

9. Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first.

10. Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.

11. If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble putting on your pants.

12. It's not hard to meet expenses, they are everywhere.

13. I love being a writer... what I can't stand is the paperwork.

14. A printer consists of 3 main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and t he blinking red light.

15. The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was the genius.

16. The trouble with being punctual is that no one is there to appreciate it.

17. In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?

18. If you cannot change your mind, are you sure you have one?

19. Beat the 5 O'clock rush, leave work at noon!

20. If you can't convince them, confuse them.

21. It's not the fall that kills you. It's the sudden stop at the end.

22. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

23. Hot glass looks same as cold glass.. - Cunino's Law of Burnt Fingers

24. The cigarette does the smoking you are just the sucker.

25. Someday is not a day of the week

26. Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.

27. To Err is human, to forgive is not a Company policy.

28. The road to success.... Is always under construction.

29. Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but if you think again, neither does Milk.

30. In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you don't need it.

* Maintain A Healthy Level of Insanity

To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise YourVoice !

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

5. In the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write 'For Marijuana'

6. Finish All Your sentences with'In Accordance With The Prophecy.'

7. Skip down the hall rather than walk and see how many looks you get.

8. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

9. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'

10. Sing Along At The Opera..

11. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area and Play tropical Sounds All Day.

12. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You Have A Headache.

13. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream 'I Won! I Won!'

14. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!'

15. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, 'Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.

16. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity: It 's Called .. THERAPY!

* Pondering

Why, Why, Why...

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are almost dead?
Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they already know there is not enough money?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars; but have to check when you say the paint is still wet?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?
If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?
How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, 'It's all right?' Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, 'That really hurt, why don't you watch where you're going?'
Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
And my FAVORITE......
The statistics on sanity is that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.

* How to Cook a Turkey

How to Cook a Turkey
by by Friend Miss Westover’s 1st Grade Class 2008

She individually pulled each child to write their responses. She told them she needed to know how to make a turkey for thanksgiving and need instructions.

Maria –I have to go to the store and buy a turkey. Go home and cook it. Take a few bones out. That is what we have to do in my family. Cook it for 20 min. Let it cool down. That is all I know. And then you eat it. Then you dig in!

Ian – Kill it. Take off a turkey’s head. Then walk for a while. Then you cook it. Put it in the oven. Take it out of the oven and then eat it.

Josiah – Go get one. And then I could bake it in the oven. I could put it on the pan or something. And then just turn the little thing and warm it up. And then take it out. Then we put it on the table and eat it. I don’t really know how to cook a turkey.

Bradley – Find one. Bake it. Put it in the oven for 50 degrees for 1 hour. I don’t know.

Ciara- Go to the store and buy a turkey. Then go home and cook it and stuff it up and stuff. Sometimes you put vegetables and sometimes you put sauce on it.
Lauryn – I don’t know. You cook it. Put it in the oven. Your supposed to know everything.

Annalynn – You need leaves to go on him. And the head and the body. You could put it in a microwave for 20 seconds. Then you can eat it.

Isabelle – I’ve never made one before, but you could buy it at the store. I guess however you want. And then you eat it for Thanksgiving. You take another kind of meat and mix it together. You have to put it on for like 25 min. probably.

Riley – I forgot. Wash it out. Squirt some stuff in it. You put it in the oven. Cook it for 23 hrs. Then stuff it. Eat it.

Shayla – Get one at the grocery store. Put it in the pan. Make the oven a little bit hot. Cook it until the beeper comes off. Then you check it. Then you put it on plates. Eat it with a fork.

Zachary - First you cool it down. You put it the oven. Like a one and a six (temperature). Cook it for twenty hours. Take it out and eat. (What do you put on it?) Like fruit.

Brendan – Turn on the stove. Put like salt on it. For Thanksgiving at your grandpas we had salt on it. Then just wait until it’s all done. Needs to be a little hot in the oven. Put it on a plate.

Jazmyn – My grandma makes it. I think she just already has it at her house. Then she cooks. It has to be a little bit hot. Cook it maybe one or two minutes. Eat on a plate. And then I gently put my plate in the sink. Then we eat pie like blueberry, strawberry, pumpkin, lemon kind. I mostly like pumpkin.

* Ordinary Life: Fairy Tale Moments

Sharon, my friend, and I went to a craft show over the weekend. I saw this and took a picture of it with my cell phone. This thought touches my life right now!

"Every once in a while, right in the middle of ordinary life, love gives you a Fairy Tale."

I Pledge Allegience to the Flag: Good Night and God Bless

My dad sent me this beautiful message! I love you Dad!

If you haven't seen or heard this it's worth it... also, a great learning device for the kids...

...CLICK THE FLAG

Some of you may remember him, but he passed away before many of you were born.

Red Skelton was a good & funny man.

He also ended every show by saying, "GOOD NIGHT AND GOD BLESS".

Listen to the end of this. It is something he said 38 years ago.

RED SKELTON-HOW DID HE KNOW??????

Very important that you listen to the very end!!
Take a moment and listen to it (from 1969).
How would he have known that this is what is happening?
Click on the link, and turn your sound on.

FOR THE FEW WHO DON'T KNOW:
Red Skelton was a movie star and comedian on television back in the 1950s. He created a number of characters, and his show was watched by millions. He did this on his show one evening--back when shows were live.